
How to mange yourself effectively in a role that ‘is never done’.
Balance. Wellbeing. Leadership Effectiveness
I coach many school leaders. Lots of different themes arise in our coaching conversations. A constant theme seems to be the enormity of the role that is leading a school.
This is not to say that it is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – just that it is ever present, never ‘done’ and significant in scale.
I was coaching a school Principal this morning. We were talking about ‘Balance’ and what that might look like and how best to achieve it.
The metaphor of the ‘Black Hole’ emerged as a helpful parallel.
The gravitation pull of a Black Hole is enormous, drawing in all around it (including light itself). The role of a school leader can be not dissimilar – the more time and energy you give to it, the more it seems to need. Its appetite for your time and energy seems boundless.
The ‘Event Horizon’ (loosely that point or boundary on the edge of a Black Hole from which there is no return into the abyss) seemed to be the point at which the leader felt they might optimally function.
How best to find that sweet spot where you give what you can to a fantastic role, and still keep a sense of ‘balance (whatever that may mean to you)?
Well, in my many conversations with many school leaders, some of the following ideas have emerged as things they do or are, that seem to help (and I would be so grateful if you might add other approaches you find helpful for others to consider for themselves):
High levels of Emotional Intelligence: It seems that those leaders that are particularly self-aware can catch their ‘triggers’ early. They recognise when they need to ‘step back’ before they get drawn into the ‘black hole’.
They additionally have a range of highly effective self-management strategies that help them stay ‘above the line’ and on the edge of the ‘event horizon’.
Coaching has helped them amplify and sharpen their self-awareness and approaches to self-management.
Mindset/ Framing: They have an ‘Accept or Convert’ mindset – many leaders I coach that seem not to experience overwhelm in the role demonstrate an ability to frame the scale and significance of the role as either …..
Accept’ (they find ways to be a peace with things as they are while still aspiring towards changing things for the better. They take a ‘this too shall pass’ view of the toughest of circumstances); OR
‘Convert’ (an ability to frame most, if not all, experiences as offering a gift or opportunity. They seem to be on the look out for ‘what good can come from this?’).
Coaching seems to offer them a scaffolded opportunity to reflect on this framing and to have a more acute understanding of how to amplify the positives that come from it.
‘What we focus on grows’: They are acutely aware of their conscious thoughts and perspectives.
They recognise that the human tendency towards negativity bias can lead themselves and others to focus on problems, and that this is not always productive.
Leaders that seem to be very adept at striking a ‘balance’ focus on ‘What’s wanted’ rather than ‘What’s wrong’….
They recognise what we focus on grows.
Distributive leadership: Leading a school can feel like a rather lonely endeavour at times. And yet it is not a solo endeavour.
Those that seem to be able to weather the storms and challenges of school leadership seem to work on the basis that they are ‘working with and through others’.
A very experienced Principal once told me that he saw much of his job as ‘sweeping the paths for others to walk along’.
‘The 3-Marriages approach: Synergies rather than ‘zero-sum’: Some leaders I coach frame work-life balance in a way that leads to taking from one and giving to the other (eg devoting less time to work and more time to family). There is certainly sense in this for many.
Others take a slightly different approach. They look for synergies in the drivers that energise them at work, in their relationships, and which are intrinsically motivating.
In our coaching we sometimes refer to this as the ‘3-Marriages’.
Taking a position of abundance, rather than ‘limited resources’, seems to enhance a stronger sense of connection to aspects of their lives that are important to them.
It seems that identifying the ‘common drivers’ that link self, carer, and relationships leads to a multiplier effect…. Amplifying the positives.
What helps you maintain a sense of ‘balance’?
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